Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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