All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its about making memories worth repressing
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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