My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
