i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
