There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
