A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Alive.
So much puke
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
