maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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