Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Verdict: uncircumcised.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
