May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
