Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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