I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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