Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
