I cockslap morals
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
