"it" just moved
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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