Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
