I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
