we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
