i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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