Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
