He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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