The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
