Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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