the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
