As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
