is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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