You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
