He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
