just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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