You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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