I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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