This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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