twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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