I'm going to jail i love you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
