quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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