someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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