i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
