His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
