where am i from again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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