Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
