Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
