last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
