I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be still, my beating vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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