Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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