There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
