he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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