I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
soo... how was my night?
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