Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
