The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
