He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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