best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
