Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
