You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
