if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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