I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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