Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
