he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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