we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
