Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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