I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
