I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
