Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
