"it" just moved
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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