I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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