end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
