my mouth tastes like poor choices
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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