Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
