____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
