Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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