i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My feet surprised me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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