Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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