There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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