Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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