hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
