So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
