hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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